the brown mommy writes

We Carry On

2009-08-22T20:18:00.000-07:00

Today, I spent an elightened afternoon with a group of women with whom I feel I have a deep connection: wanting the best upbringing for our children of color. The mothers of Jack and Jill of America's Santa Clarita/Antelope Valley chapter welcomed me, and several other moms, with open arms to a Prospective Members Tea. The ladies were clad in summertime tea dresses and some donned widebrimmed hats. We nibbled on scones and other tasties while sipping tea. But there was a lofty goal ever present in the house.

Before today, I had a small notion of why I would want to pursue membership -- comraderie with other black families, my children knowing they are not the "only ones" in the neighborhood or the classroom. But talking with the women today gave me a deeper understanding of why these types of organizations exist -- they know what it's like to have a daughter reject, with fury, the brown American Girl dolls in the middle of the aisle because they'd rather own the white one; they've experienced a tug of the heart when their children's faces light up at the sight of black children clustered at the park; and they understand what it is to nearly hunt down the only other black person in the supermarket just to have black families as friends in the undiverse suburbs.

These experiences were echoed over and again as these mothers shared why they joined the organization. And I felt like a human bobblehead doll with all the nodding I was doing. As various women shared their stories, and as I made my way around the room talking to each one, I felt like I was speaking to several versions of myself. I was unashamed to have these experiences or the feelings they produced. And the encounters solidified my reasons for attending.

I feel so fortunate to live in a community and have access to likeminded mothers. It feels great knowing my circumstances are not unique. I thank the mothers who had the audacity to birth this group. I can only wonder how my children will benefit from it and the limitless impact it will make on their lives.

Mom On A Mission

2009-05-11T22:07:00.000-07:00

I am finding lately that I am yearning for culture -- but more specifically Black culture, exposure for my children, little brown friends for them to mirror. Why? Well, my oldest son reported to me the other day that there weren't many Black friends at his school, a fact I already knew and hoped he would miraculously overlook. Foolish, I know. I mean, my daughter had already gone through the wanting "yellow hair" stage and shunning the brown American Girl right in the middle of the shop (simultaneously ripping my heart out and bringing me close to tears). So, expecting my son to somehow not notice he's one of a handful of chocolate chips in the cookie was being hopeful.

So, now I find myself on a mission: I am hoping for an invitation to join Jack and Jill of America, a Black family organization started back in 1938 by a mom and her friends who wanted their children to experience the same advantages as other children; I have started the process to start a local chapter of Mocha Moms, Inc., an organization created to support stay-at-home mothers of color. My interest in both these groups has me speaking to every Black mom I see in grocery stores and parks, outside the kids' schools and around every cul-de-sac. And I'm normally a shy person, so you should see me go!

I simply want my children to not feel like the minority for ONCE. I really wish for them to not notice color -- this is a perfect world -- but unfortunately, others do. So, I'll continue to teach them to love others regardless of race. But, at the same time, I'll continue to seek out the children who are living the same journey.

It's been a while...

2009-04-26T23:09:00.000-07:00

It's been a minute but I just have to jump back in by saying how truly over the moon I am about the election of our 44th U.S. President, Barack Obama! I have not, nor do I ever think I will tire of this fact -- that the leader of our nation looks like me! And if I feel this way as an adult, imagine what our children must be thinking. It proves that the thinking of America is shifting, that the ways of old are changing and that our tomorrow is much different than ever before.

When I first started this blog two years ago, I had no idea this day would arrive. I was consumed with the experiences of my beautiful brown children -- that they had been discriminated against and made to feel shameful about their ethnic features killed me. That my daughter cried because her hair wasn't long and "yellow" tore me apart. That my son was told he had "garbage skin" made my blood boil.

But in November 2008, the presidential election gave new meaning to thebrownmommy. My children now are inundated with media images showing a powerful, dynamic, loving BROWN family and have yet one more example of people they can strive to be. Michelle Obama has even given me new hope as a brown mother and I am thankful she and her family shatter stereotypes so long held of the African-American community.

It's amazing. I'm in awe. And I'm so glad to be me!

I'm Still Here ...

2007-12-10T22:16:00.000-08:00

Hey y'all,

I've been missing in action but I'm still here! And glad to be back. If you didn't know, I am in the last stages (thesis) of my Master's program in creative writing and editing is long and time-consuming.

I have missed my fellow brownmommies and hope to be back on the boards more often and real soon! Are any of you in school? How do you do it with children in tow?

Best,
thebrownmommy!

Fall is Upon Us

2007-10-16T08:21:00.000-07:00

Happy Fall! The holidays are upon us, which means good memories are in store -- as well as LOTS of work! I always think of what's ahead in the coming weeks: the family from out-of-town, the meals to shop for and prepare, the decorating to be done, the gifts to be selected and bought. Not to mention school, which is still in session, those jobs we must keep working, and oh yes, the house still needs to function!

I've been learning the importance of taking time for me, even if I have to schedule it in like a regular activity. I need time to do what makes my heart sing, what renews me, and I am better for it. I hope you'll take a moment during this time to visit thebrownmommy.com, share what's going on with you in the forum, and reflect on your year -- you never know, someone might find strength in your experience! See you there!

Best,
thebrownmommy

Alone I Am Not

2007-09-12T09:33:00.000-07:00

Everytime I get an email telling me another mom has discovered thebrownmommy or a post on the forum boards sharing an experience like my own, I am filled. Filled with pride, satisfaction, and that feeling in the deep core of my heart that tells me what I have done by creating this website is SO needed and appreciated.

As brownmommies, we experience things that all moms do but we just may experience them a little differently. We have varying experiences with our children who wonder if their skin will turn lighter when they grow up, have people liken their pony puffs to poodles, or not play with them because they're brown.

I am so proud of this site and of all the mommies who have bravely told their stories and have been willing to step out and say "that's me, too!"

Let's keep doing it, mommies! Spread the word!!

Three for One

2007-09-05T19:05:00.000-07:00

I cannot tell you how frustrated I am. Whoever said three's a charm was not talking about children.

Motherhood, it's just plain hard. Enjoyable and full of benefits, but hard. And nothing breaks me down harder than having to tend to three kids, three different ages, all at once. How do you change a diaper, play Duck Duck Goose, and help with math homework simultaneously? How does one single-handedly spoon feed an infant, applaud shape tracing, review spelling test words all within 3 separate realms of a single moment?

I'm convinced that someone suffers, whether it be the middle child, who doesn't get all the intellectual treatment of the oldest nor the gentle cooing of the youngest, or the baby, who might end up with pureed veggies in his neck from a spoon blindly misdirected off its target. Is it the oldest, who suffers from the frustration of his parents, inadvertently brought on by the care of the other two children? Or maybe the parents suffer, crying silently inside for fear they cannot meet the insatiable demands of either three.

I suppose one of these years I'll get it down. I'll learn how to juggle pots and pans with endless rounds of Uno and book reports on outer space. I'll effortlessly intertwine myself in locating lost blankies, pretending to play "school", and practicing handwriting on those wide three-line sheets.

Until then, I guess I will just learn how to make due -- that is, until they figure out how to make humans sprout three heads, 6 arms, and a gigantic store of patience.

For now, it's three for one.

Beauty Queens and ABCs

2007-08-28T21:56:00.000-07:00

Okay, now yesterday thebrowndaddy and I watched a clip on UTube of Miss South Carolina, a contestant in this year's Miss Teen USA pageant, stumble her way through the question and answer portion of the contest. I don't know if you've seen it (although it's been viewed MILLIONS of times on the site), but it's about 30 seconds worth of pure blubbering idiocy. The question went something like this: A recent poll showed that one-third of all Americans cannot identify the USA on a map. Why do you think this is? What followed was an ironic answer to this country's education system -- it just plain sucked.

The girl stammered through incomplete sentences, uhs, and mindless trains of thought that took us to subjects including South Africa and how it was our fault because most Americans don't own maps. Was she truly serious? Seriously.

And then tonight my husband comes home from a teacher conference with our son's first grade instructor and she even said his class started the year performing "below average". This ain't even algebra, people, it's ABCs and what number comes after 2?! Sure, the year will speed up and reading and maybe even cursive will come into play. But during the second week of school, in what part of first grade can you underperform?

I know, I'm looking at this all too ignorantly, right? I'm just a little frustrated with our education system being what it is under "The Decider" -- a little frustrated that by the time kids are 18 years old and standing before a national audience representing the cream of the crop (supposedly), they still can't answer questions intelligently.

I might have to just channel this frustration into volunteering in my son's class, working extra hours afterhours to make sure he has things down, and make myself a fixture at that school. Guess I need to employ more strategies at home like posting flash cards on household items (a la The Color Purple), allow my son to write his own stories and then read them, or tutor him in fractions using our Friday night pizza dinner (I think he can wolf down one-fourth of a medium).

Or maybe we just need to get more maps.

Milk and clogs

2007-08-21T21:05:00.000-07:00

My spirits are lifted this evening....the clog is gone. No, not in the sink, not the toilet -- my breast. I know you're thinking how can breasts get clogged?? And do I really want to know??

Baby boy is now 9 months and I'm trying to make it to a year with this nursing deal. Usually, things go well -- he nurses, comes away with a satisfied milky grin, and all is right with the world. There is no purer food in life, and it makes me feel good to know I can at least feed my child this way during his first year of development. But, every now and then, something gets jammed up, the plumbing doesn't work quite right, and the milk stops flowing. Baby boy often comes away and looks at me as if he doesn't understand what's wrong with the tap.

Clogged milk ducts are also extremely painful. There's a lump or a whole portion of the breast that feels hard and tender and all I can do is take to the couch with a heating pad and some Tylenol. Oh, and continuously (PAINfully) keep feeding the baby.

This time, it took almost 48 hours for this clog to resolve. A dear friend recommended taking Lecithin to keep reoccuring clogs from happening. The two older kids now know the routine and ask if Mommy's breast is feeling any better. Have you ever heard a 3-year-old ask about a breast? They are wise beyond their years!

And I am looking forward to ending nursing altogether. If he gets his year, I'll be happy. I am sure with his four teeth, he's looking forward to other things like chicken picatta and tacos. Mmmm!

'Til next time...signing off...

thebrownmommy emerges!

2007-08-17T22:56:00.000-07:00

It's about time I've finally gotten on the bandwagon with this blogging thing. thebrowndaddy hates the word "blog" but that's what it's called and who am I to change it?

So, I'm thebrownmommy and you can learn all about this new venture at http://www.thebrownmommy.com/. You might even discover that you or someone you know is a brownmommy, too! I felt the need to create a place where moms like myself could talk about and share the things that affect us as mothers raising brown children in this world. We face some real unique challenges indeed and I have yet to find a place online that really deals with my personal circumstances: a stay-at-home mother of color, with three children, a husband who works from home, living deep in the suburbs of a rather undiverse city, a crafter, a writer, an entrepreneur... this list goes on.

Anyway, check it out and hopefully you'll get what I'm going for.

I plan to also use this blog to let you know what is going on with me and mine -- chances are, you'll see yourself in these stories. Or not. Either way, you'll see I'm trying to get through everyday, just like you, with grace, finesse, sanity! The joys of motherhood -- will you take the journey with me?

'Til next time...